Sad

Yesterday started off like every other day...busy! I have been excited all week about going to the doctor to hear the baby's heartbeat. I have been saying things like "I just hate that they make you wait 4 weeks in between each time you get to hear it at the beginning of the pregnancy!" I went in yesterday the same way I normally do...excited. I was shocked when the ultrasound tech came for me. I was still excited that I was getting to 'see' the baby. I got up on the table and told her that "I just know it's a girl and when can I find out!" I just had a bad feeling. I noticed that there was nothing moving on the screen. Dr. Tynes happened to walk in to ask Nicole something and then she told me what I feared the most. She said very matter of fact "there is no heartbeat." I immediately fell to pieces. She said that they think the heart stopped beating about a week ago. She also said that my body had not let go of the baby yet and that we needed to do the D & C. We don't know why this happened, but we do know that this is God's plan for our family.

I just felt that this was HIS perfect timing because of how the due date (March) made it to where I was going to get to have 5 months home with the baby until I had to go back to school in August. I thought because they rearranged how I was going to graduate right before baby was due that it was all the perfect plan. I was wrong. His plan is going to turn out to be way more perfect in the future! We are really sad right now. We are praying that God gets the glory and that His face is shown through all of this heartache. We know that something great will come of all of this. Right now, we are reminded that we will see this baby again one day in Heaven. How wonderful to know that!

I go in for my D&C today at 11:15. Please pray for us and for quick healing. My aunt is having the same procedure today for a different reason...please pray for her, too. We are so thankful for all of our friends and family. They have been praying for us and loving on us. Thank YOU!

I think this song my Natalie Grant says it all... I have always loved it, but never thought that it would apply to me.

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair


This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow


This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
We'd be held

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This is what it means to be held.....